Holidays Are Always Hard

Holidays are always hard. It’s still difficult to grasp my Granny no longer being here. And I’m grateful, but holidays in New York just always seem weird. As I watch HER dice up bell peppers and onions, I drift off into a memory of my Granny preparing her famous dressing. The smell easily transports me back to her kitchen. The painted white cabinets and her green refrigerator and stove, before she decided to upgrade. The worn out green and gray step stool my Granny used to grab her Thanksgiving ingredients out of her high cabinets or “the cupboard” as she would say. As I continued to watch HER prepare for this year’s intimate Thanksgiving dinner, I tried to snap out of the memory of my Granny. I didn’t want HER and her family to see tears begin to flow.

Prior to feeling nostalgic and vividly seeing images of my grandmother in front of me, I began thinking about how peculiar Holidays in New York were. I ¬†thought about how much I missed my family and celebrating Thanksgiving with them, but that I was happy that I hadn’t traveled back home to Detroit. I was happy to be celebrating Thanksgiving with the girl who stole my heart, for a second year in a row. And also happy to be able to avoid an eerie ¬†Thanksgiving dinner with my own family.

My Granny passed in September 2010. That year’s Thanksgiving was the first my family had without her and to be honest, I can’t really fully describe the feeling. That year, my girlfriend at the time had came to visit me from Baltimore and we missed Thanksgiving dinner because we spent the day fucking in a hotel room. And as much as I was excited about having multiple orgasms, I was even more excited about avoiding a Thanksgiving dinner without my grandmother at the table. I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t even seem real. Fast forwarding to now… As weird as holidays in New York are, they’re unique and special. I appreciate and cherish them because they’re new memories. Not new memories that can erase old ones, but memories that are golden. Never the less, these intricate new holidays are still hard.

Advertisements